when you are first introduced to this world, everything is bright, shiny, and new, compared to the darknessthat you came out of, though probably the warmest place you'll ever be, outside of the womb is where all the real adventures begin. you are told from a young age that you can be whatever you so chose, that all you have to do is set your mind to it. if you have good parents you are brought up feeling loved and supported, and you beieve the lies they feed you thinking that they are the truth.
wet behind the ears you had eaten up everything that they had told you. within good reason though, after all you wanted to believe in yourself. swimming is where you flourished, it was to be the thing that you excelled at. you forged big dreams for yourself, to one day be an olympic swimmer. you were just a kid but you had passion, drive, talent, and you had friends and rivals to push your onward. back then anything was possible, yu saw your future because it was what you wanted to see. they told you it was possible, they never said how hard it would be, or that even when all you do is try, when it's all you care about, in the end you still don't always make it.
you haven't always been so bad with people, your disenchantment with the world didn't happen until later on in life. for your first decade or so you were a happy kid, laughing, willing to joke and play when the time called for it. but even then you were as serious as ever. swim club was where you met one of your best friends, but he was also your greatest rival. rin, was the kid to watch out for, he was who you strove to beat every race even if it was just practice or for fun. he could be less serious than you, but the two of you shared the same dream. so it only made sense that you expected him to always be there.
you, kisumi, and rin, all went to the same school, kisumi didn't swim, which meant that to some extent you weren't as close to him as you and rin were. he could have been your best friend if you had let him, quiet and sweet, he balanced you out well, but it was to rin you always looked. until one day rin was gone. first after finally getting fed up that you wouldn't do a swim relay with him he switched clubs, and then eventually he was moving to australia to swim there. suddenly the person you thought would always be there was no longer by your side. the loss drove you more inward and because rin wasn't there you were chasing shadows. you pushed yourself so hard, training every day, it was all you cared about, ebcause though you couldn't see his progression you had to stay in front of him.
that was when things really went down hill for you. you thought your training would lead you to bigger and better things, instead it was the end of you. when the pain in your shoulder started you iced it but mostly ignored it, figuring that as you got stronger it would lessen and you would be alright. how wrong you were never occurred to you until it was too little too late. after pushing yourself father than you could go, you busted your rotator cuff. when the doctor told you that you would never be able to swim the same, it was like all the color in the world faded to blake and white. you were in a stupor and suddenly nothing made sense to you.
it was then that you found yourself completely defeated and drained, it was then that you realized that you were all alone, having pulled away from everyone in your life. even kisumi, who may have been the one person who stood by you even when you were at your hellish. even though he would have come had you called, you stuck fast to your ways of being a loner, this time because you felt you didn't deserve the company rather than before when you hadn't wanted it. without swimming you didn't know who or what you were or what to do with your life, all seemed lost and hopeless.
when you had heard that rin had returned to the country and that he was swimming still it all but killed you. a part of you couldn't help but to wonder if you would have hurt yourself had he still been beside you. maybe he would have told you to take breaks more often, or would have joked and made you lighten up, or perhaps you would have been so far ahread of him you might have calmed down on your own. there is no telling however, but you can't face him. he can still have everything you wanted, everything that was now out of your reach. you don't know why you go to seem him swim at his meet, but you do, and your surprised by what you find, and it changes everything for you.
he loses and when he does he looks so broken and defeated, and then you hear how in australia he found himself in a rut, unable to get better, getting beaten by his rivals there. that doesn't sound like the rin you knew. you know you shouldn't, but you don't know what gets into you, why you decided to switch schools for rin and join his swim team even though you aren't suppose to swim anymore. you suppose that rin meant more to you than you had realized, or the dream you two shared at least. if you couldn't attain it you wanted him to get there for the both of you, and you realized for that to happen, he had to regain his heart, his love for the sport, he couldn't wallow in defeat like you. so you join the team and have to act as though you came out of retirment to swim with him, all the while keeping your injury a secret, playing it down as though it isn't as bad as it really is.
everything is fine until haru finds out. of course he would notice before even rin does. the boy who swims like a dolphin, the one who rin left you for in the first place. after all the work you put in the year prior to get to some semblance of alright so you could swim with rin one last time, you think haru, the dark haired boy who had no idea you were jealous of him, is going to ruin it. you've known rin long enough to know that if he finds out it what happened to you he will cry, and you can't deal with that. when he finds out, he does exactly that and a part of you can't help but want to laugh, it's too late to go back now. it's your senior year, your last year to swim, so you're going to finish the season whether he likes it or not.
maybe you aren't such an indifferent and uncaring person after all.