big fish, little fish
the violet sky was peppered with clouds, glowing like fiery coals in the rays of the setting sun. a cool breeze blew through the low ridge, carrying with it a scent of green grass. the farmlands within wall maria were lush and generous. this was her home, this was their home, the very home that she shared with her parents. mikasa tightened her grip on her mother's hand, the pair walked gingerly through the tall grass, strolling leisurely in comfort and solitude.
mikasa bowed her chin and adjusted her hat to block the harsh rays from burning her face, she was the tender age of seven. too young to realize much, but old enough to understand. this was something her father preached often - if she didn't protect her skin, she would pay for it in the end. this knowledge was bestowed within him after years of labor in the fields and farm, long days spent under the spell of the sun's heat, harvesting food for those familiar and foreign to home. she could understand that she didn't want the pain that followed a sunburn.
her mother plucked flowers from a nearby bush, flora of a colorful nature. mikasa watched patiently as her mother tampered with each flower somehow knowing just the right ones to pick. that's when she noticed a struggle for life. mikasa took a few steps forward and placed her knees gently on the grass. a caterpillar squirmed left, then right, trying but failing at escaping the grasp of a vibrant green mantis. how cruel.
an unfamiliar realization washes over her slowly, then all too fast. this world is a callous and merciless place.
a constant struggle of survival. she is only seven and has yet to see the true dangers of the world, but hears whispers of monsters and men that protect her. she is safe with her mother and father but what if? mikasa forces the image from her mind and forces herself to turn away from the mantis and his prey... were they caterpillars or mantis'?
your hand shakes with anticipation and a sick feeling gnaws at your stomach, you're frozen in a state of shock. all you can remember is the blood covering your mother's bosom, her eyes peeled open in distress. there lay your father next to her, a product of failed attempt of protecting you and your mother. a caterpillar surrounded by a mantis with it's wings outstretched and sharp claws dug neatly into your chest. you fail. why did you fail?
“ I want to weep, she thought. I want to be comforted. I’m so tired of being strong. I want to be foolish and frightened for once. Just for a small while, that’s all… a day… an hour."
the boy calls out to you again, as his ends grows near and you stumble. there stand a boy that risked his life to save yours and he was taking your place. that should be you, you think. you swallow your sobs and tighten your grip on the knife. you never imagined yourself in this position, as the mantis, but you pictured a butterfly. all caterpillars rest and awaken once more to find themselves stronger than their old selves, adapting and changing into something more suitable for survival. fluidly, you awaken.
blood was yours, as you pierce the knife perfectly through his back, striking the target in his heart. you can hear the whispers from the local military as you warm your cold, lifeless hands over the dwindling fire outside the horror house. the boy is with you again and you feel warm around him. he notices how scared you are and he wraps a beautiful red scarf around your neck. how such a small gesture meant the world to you in this moment. thank you,
you think to yourself.
you were invited to live with the jaegar family in the shiganshina district. carla jaegar welcomed you as the daughter she never had, teaching you how to clean and cook. the time you spent together further reassured you that you were welcomed, you were loved. and still - you dropped that red scarf around your neck every day just to make sure. you were safe.
it all ends
the time she has spent within the scout regiment has been a one for the books. the mystery behind the titans itches closer to the surface after reiner and bertholdt betrayed the corps, napping ymir, christa and eren. eren.
how far he has gone from her now, she could not wrap her mind around it. the situations he finds himself in, and how far she goes to chase him.
she has fought countless beasts for him. annie, reiner, the smiling titan, but it was never enough to save him. this is something she regrets, as it weighs heavy over her mind and heart. she is eternally grateful for him, he was the only family that she had left, and over and over he is ripped from her grasp. she is reminded of how it can happen again.
crash into me
there are only fifteen years behind her eyes, but they grow heavier with each new day. dusk folds into the night, looping into a present and lingering on the victories whispered of yesterdays, she gains on her front. lush forests and hasty rivers beating against bronzed pebbles become a thought of the distant past, and the red clay beneath her feet become as memorable as ever. it holds a certain resemblance to the red sands of home, the very sand that stood on her doorsteps, dancing in the brisk wind. still, she turns corners and the visions of home tease her peripheral. light plays on her iris, and trickery is the devil at hand.
she is comfortable sleeping in a bed of her own and shows skill and strength in hunting local game. yet, there is unease when she thinks of eren, unsure of his whereabouts or his safety, but, she is sure that he is alive. somewhere, someplace, he is waiting for her as she is waiting for him. a small wave of relief washed over her now, the soft tones of his hushed voice echoed through her mind.
as long as he is alive, she will fight.