тυяη ιт вα¢к ση мє
"Your name is Ainchase. Restore the energy to the El.
I knew that I would vanish with the fulfillment of that mission. The fact that my time, light, life essentially was all borrowed, sand flowing through an hourglass, seconds ticking by on a stopwatch, none of that occurred to me, even in the darkest recesses of my sub-consciousness. The El.. restoring power and light, I had to succeed. If I didn't, well, who else would be there to pick up the pieces?
The crystal lies before me, but something shakes the world around me, shattering shards of the crystalline hope scatter, and I'm feeling pulled, pulled, and then there ... darkness. I'm not where I'm supposed to be, lost, and no matter how hard I reach out, there's nothing but emptiness touching my heart and flickering at the tips of my outstretched fingers. I can feel a strange pull, a flickering behind my eyes, that I don't understand. Time passes, I think, or maybe it's just suspended. I don't know how long I'm trapped here. I can feel myself fading, wilting into myself, as if there's nothing to keep ahold of.
Everything feels slower than it did before, heavier, but a flicker-flash of the sensation of El catches my senses, and I internally cling to that feeling, tracking it stealthily, because that's the biggest hope I have left. Resolve bolstered and with that simple flare, I can feel myself returning to the power that I had felt previously. Opening my eyes to reveal the world back in place, I breathe in deeply. The El is here, some of it is close, and for the main part, but I am not yet out of the frying pan.
It becomes apparent as time passes, that nobody is able to remember me as soon as I vanish from their sight, that, only one person is sustaining my entire existence. Something stirs within my core, a protests that grows stronger with each passing day. I don't want to vanish...I don't want to disappear. I want them to remember me. A seed of doubt that clouds over my sense of the mission, an unfamiliar sensation .. is this what they call despair?
Sometimes, I notice it. My sense of self weakening, my form becoming fuzzy, that same surge of what surely must be dark emotion, just like the black marks that sometimes stain my hands. Is it possible, that somewhere along the line, something had latched itself onto me and wormed somewhere into my system? These thoughts that cloud my mind, they are meaningless. Despite my misgivings I must continue forward.
Elsword, he's the one that makes it possible to sustain myself. My drive shifts, I need to ensure he survives, I must use him as well as myself to complete my mission. After all that has happened, I will not allow myself to fail. It'll be completed, or it'll be my death. Even as I push down the vortex of despair and anger and hollowness brimming in my insides behind my control, I know that for now, I can't let them simmer any more than they already had.