I will ask you for mercy,
I will come to you blind,
what you’ll see is the worst me,
not the last of my kind
She was born curious. Though, she was also born a fox, so perhaps those two things went hand in hand. Isolated in woods coated in snow for miles, Ahri lurked, stalked, watched
. People were funny creatures, yet they never failed to pique her interest, and she grew older to find herself with an ever growing fascination. These humans would pledge their heart to another one minute, and run off into a fit of tears in the next. To her, it made little sense.
Desire. That made sense. She had known desire, and indulged in pleasure many times over due to her desire, but she did not let desire corrupt her heart, and failed to understand anyone who did. You were meant to take as you needed from another, and leave went dawn flooded in. And that was far from the only way in which she indulged. No, curious as she was, and hungry for power and knowledge, she began to consume the life force of her prey.
It started with her first encounter, a solider that had tugged at her memories, but ultimately fell weak. It was only instinct that she might consume the remainder of his life. It would be painless for him, and nourishment for her. Each ounce of his life poured into her with memories and emotions permeated throughout, things she could even toy with. she figured, and so did she grant him a peaceful vision as he faded from the world, and she stalked away with new life imbuing each step.
That was how the high began.
It was divine. Tipsy she spun in circles and stumbled through memories and emotions she had never known. Would never know. Nothing could compare to a high such as this, and Ahri was not quick to rid herself of such pleasure either. There was little guilt to be found in a fox on the prowl. The high so enticing, for she did not understand emotion, could not feel guilt. Killing was sport, hunting for prey was nature.
Salvaging any humanity within her was hardly a request to be made, she had never been human. Even as she played with them, lured them out and consumed their souls- thrilled herself with their lives- she would still never be considered human. Yet her longing grew... and that was a funny thing.
She had always practiced control, it was a natural part of her instincts, her nature. Yet now, there was this force inside her which she could not quell, rendering her effectively out of control. Lives were toyed with, hearts altered to be drawn into her circle, and so did she consume more prey. Eating away at dreams, riding the high of memories, and knowing foreign emotions though others. She wept once or twice, but did not understand why. Each time left her hungrier, her longing worse, and at times had she begun to feel weak.
But she was no weakling.
She had become weak to her own selfish desire, and some spark of what she assumed to be morality bounced around inside her. Nature dictated that she would not be renouncing her practices any time soon, not in their entirety, but she could teach herself a new version of control. Life force was still a necessary component to her power, but if she perfected her practice, perhaps she would not fall victim to need quite so rapidly. So she isolated herself, practicing magic among other animals, but with not even a glimpse of a human.
With time, she found herself casting effortlessly, and thriving off the energy of the earth beneath her feet. A piece was missing, but that feeling that would not dissipate became the new normal for her, and she learned to live with desire. Instead of a need to be satiated, it was simple longing, and she was in control of that too.
Accepting her past was mandatory, and though it was unsettling to constantly be at war with herself, there was a discipline she knew greater than anyone else could possibly know. She could still consume energy, feed her soul with life force and nourish her dreams with new memories, but without the kill. It still seemed a little off, and perhaps she would always seem a little off.
The more she considered morality, the more she realized what a complex concept it was altogether. Sure, she could feel a semblance of guilt, yet she just as well knew that she needed to survive, and there was a food chain for a reason. Ahri decided she would always have to tackle this debate within herself, but that she should take advantages of such a war to learn more. That was her desire, after all, and morality was so very human.
She still charmed her victims, but they did not lose their life to her consumption, unless that was their wish. She was very much still in the habit of granting wishes or implementing fear, toying with the minds of her prey and observing the effect of such, but there was never any permanent damage done, never any permanent repercussions. She did not have it all figured out, but for now it was enough.
Wasn't it? Only time could tell, really, but allowing herself to integrate once more, to find herself within society of a sort, proved enough. She was in control, and her power was greater than ever. She could learn the rest along the way.