for how long has your happiness been completely dependent on someone else? for how long has your life not really been your own? it could be argued that, as a king, your life would never be yours again. as a king, and the blue king at that, your job is to keep the law and order of the world around you. munakata reisi, the fourth king, the blue king. the king of order. even as a child you've tried to keep the peace because its just so much more calming than the robust and volatile nature of those around you. peace and quiet, a good book, a puzzle, some tea. that's all you need to keep you happy most days.
most days, that is, until you meet suoh mikoto.
you meet him on the playground, the boy with the dirt on his face, a bandage across his temple from who knows what, and the brightest red hair you'd ever seen. you are eight years old when you meet him, when he looks at you and your purple eyes and dark, navy hair, in your pristine clothes, sitting on the stairs. had you believed in love at first sight back then, this would have been it. he reaches out and you hold your ground, he takes your hair and ridiculously asks if you're real. you scoff at him and bat his hand away from the hanging strand of your hair. of course i'm real you answer, snappishly. he only grins.
how long has your happiness depended on suoh mikoto?
( the world without him seems so drab in comparison. )
you two grow to be friends; you hang out during school, after school, you do your homework together, you celebrate each other's birthdays. you grew up in a household more strict and pristine than what he's used to. you have an older brother, a few years older, and these days you consider him to be the more naive of the two of you. he has a family of his own, a wife, two children, and you're stuck wallowing in your internal pity. you can't afford to do so, but you do it anyway. fate hasn't truly been kind to you and, most days, you wonder when things will finally look up.
however, because you are who you are, you power through. you, as the blue king, run SCEPTER4--a special organization, like a police force, in your section of japan. becoming a king, well, that was a mistake. the slate chose you in a moment of duress, when you were trying to save you and your older brother from near-death. sometimes you wonder if it made the proper choice and if the slate had a mind of its own. it tore you and mikoto apart and you'll never forgive it for that. however, its also given you the power to do the one thing you've always wanted to do; make a difference.
your parents were the straight-laced type, rich; raised their two sons to be respectful. your father, almost militant, taught you and your older brother how to use a sword, how to fight hand-to-hand, and with his military training, he taught you two well. your mother, sweet and caring, but also somewhat guarded where it really counted, you learned a lot from her about self-control. you and your brother were both very confident, independent, and highly trained children--your parents were proud. you, as well, were the genius in the family, in almost all subjects, and some not even taught in school. what you weren't good at was people--that was your brother's expertise. not that you weren't the same kind of charming, but that charm turned into sarcasm at the drop of a hat. that was what you were really good at, sarcasm. that, and being smug about everything you were good at.
maybe things don't really change that much after all.
there's never been time in your life for regret, its something that your father has taught you is only a sign of weakness and cannot be tolerated. against yourself and your better judgment, you do regret, and your regret weighs heavily on you when you think no one can see you. you regret the choices you've been forced t make for so many years.
you regret that you and suoh becoming kings changed you both. you regret that you never had the courage to tell him what he meant to you when you were younger. for what it was worth, you thought he know. you could have sworn he knew, but words are more powerful than your assumptions. you should have said something.
years later and things were unfolding in a way you didn't want them to. one of mikoto's clansmen was dead and you were doing everything you could to look into it. however, some part of you knew you'd never really be enough to stop him. you hoped you could be. you hoped he could be calm, for you. you had hoped so ardently that he could see what it was doing to him and, in turn, what his madness was doing to you. in the end, you've always just been a little bit too hopeful, too 'glass half full'; strange that the world hasn't tainted you beyond all reason. as he sought out his friend's killer, you tried to do the same.
you tried to be enough for him.
he was too far gone, in the end. you knew that you'd have to come to terms with what he was bringing himself to do, what he'd make you do in the end. some part of you both knew how things would wind up. your sword of damocles was always so much stronger than his, it seemed--the red king that didn't want to be a king at all. so, while it tore your heart apart, you did what you had to. you'll always do what you have to--for the good of many far outweigh the good of the few. you were willing to sacrifice your own happiness, your heart, to save japan from mikoto's rage.
you've written his memory into your mind, burned it there, and that's where it has to stay for now. because he's gone and there's nothing to change that. as things drew tighter and tighter in that battle at the school, you knew what you had to do. you both knew what you had to do. you wanted to save him, but you just weren't enough.
it took him dying to admit that you were not strong. frankly, you always knew the two of you weren't a good match--he's volatile and impulsive, you are calm and calculated. you were so sure, however, that you could be the one to save him. of everyone on the entire planet, you were so sure he'd listen to you. he refused to even try--you wanted him to do it (for me, do it for me) but even that hadn't persuaded him. but even though you weren't a good match you were still...something. it was the only something that you and him could be.
you regret not being strong enough to save him.