tw: abuse mentions
You were born into hatred, and with hatred in your heart; you would never know anything else for a long time.
your parents never understood how to love. your father, the biggest source of hatred and fear in your heart, was the source of your nickname and the source of all the terror throughout your childhood. you hated him the most; you were glad for his absence wherever it came.
mother was no different. there was a great degree of indifference between the two of you, no love, and dare you admit it, not much hatred. nikushimi was the greatest contributor to your vocabulary. in all technicalities, you should have been able to look after yourself from a young age. you could, but you also settled for not learning how to keep yourself healthy and instead just eating where it was necessarily. bread was always a good substitute for a proper meal. and coffee.
you stayed a good child. you cowered under his harsh hand and resented words that ridiculed and beat you down, but every time you picked your glasses up from the ground and rebuilt your ego another stone layer was added to the wall you built around your very being. of course, you didn't need anyone.
humans were simply garbage, you concluded.
you were a quiet and aloof child who begged the hate of everyone around him, of your own volition; you cared not for their attitudes towards you. you needed yourself and only yourself. you were satisfied with that.
the brief encounter with oogai aya is irrelevant; she is merely a piece of a puzzle to be thrown away and no longer cared about.
yata misaki is an anomaly. a phenomenon. dare you say, another outcast, and that is likely why it drew him towards you. he is rejected by his own group behind his back and he instead turns his attention towards you; you desperately rebuff his attempts in the hope he will leave you alone. yata is persistent. despite yourself, you find yourself hanging around with his boisterous and vaguely idiotic self. he is a curious human being.
he even comes to your house to take care of you when you're sick. even though the encounter ends with you shoving him out of the house because of the threat of fushimi niki - you will never call him father - there is something kindled there that, despite your best efforts, never goes out. not quite.
you watch him as he learns to skateboard, have his sister pester you at his house as you sit in bemusement at the sight of what you eventually deem is clearly a normal family life, and yours is the anomaly.
oogai aya is a fleeting moment and irrelevant once he dies. you do not mourn the loss of the unfortunate man that is meant to be your father, despite yata's surprise at the lack of emotion you display. once he is gone, there is a weight lifted from your body that allows you to stand a little straigher in the future that promises no more terror from the man you share blood with.
when yata excitedly suggests you drop out of school, despite yourself, you jump at the opportunity. there is no reason for you to be in school - it is boring, pointless, and you lose more brain cells than you gain. you both find an apartment downtown and make your living there.
it's one day when yata throws a glass bottle at a bunch of hooligans, and the one man with the flaming red hair throws it back half melted - one day when the friendship that you, despite all you say and all you do, treasure so greatly in the cold wall that is your heart, starts to spiral to unrecoverable depths.
"no blood. no bone. no ash."
homra is the next place that you call home, although that word for it is always debated in your heart. you both gain unimaginable power, and it's not something given to just anyone, either - if you had been just anyone you would have burned within seconds. it is at homra you meet people who, despite the events of the future, remain important to a degree - kamamoto, kusanagi, totsuka. anna. suoh mikoto. it is there that yata masters the art of, quite frankly, whacking people with a stick and a skateboard, where you procure a number of hidden weapons and become absolutely formidable by the side of your best friend. it is there that you fight those clad in blue, nothing more than a street gang picking fights for the power. bidding to show yourselves as the strongest. you drew blood in those days.
funny to think that scepter4 were scared of you, once upon a time. they still are.
it is there that the resentment in your heart, dormant and bubbling in the light of the redhead who had blazed his way into your life, rears its head in its ugly glory, as you become tossed to the wayside in favour of yata's reverence for suoh mikoto and the life that you had found with the red clan. you cannot help but resent them for taking your best friend away from you.
when munakata reisi requests your presence and discusses the idea of you leaving and going to scepter4, you can't help but consider it. there is a degree of respect you hold for munakata reisi, a man who, in the light of those from homra, is respectable, reliable, organised, methodical - everything that you want out of a leader. suoh mikoto, despite his formidable power, is a ticking timebomb, a master of chaos. you have skills wasted on homra, ones that would be suited for scepter4. eventually, after time, you accept, and leave yata and everything you had built behind to join those clad in blue.
yata is angry. calls you a traitor. you beg his hate and burn away the mark burned into your head, scarring it. forcing him to believe you are a traitor. things are easier when they hate you. if he had been you, and he had left too, you would have followed him to the ends of the earth. it simply proves to you where you are held on his list of important things.
you expect to lose the red aura once you join scepter4. instead, it merges and joins into one. a wielder of both red and blue. you quickly become the most dangerous amongst the rest of them. it makes you more powerful. and it certainly makes it easier to taunt the redhead every time you clash with him; what a way to utilise the hatred that niki gave you by copying his attitudes. sadistic smiles and giggles and taunts and hatred. it's much better to have the hatred of someone you love than nothing at all. hatred is easier to admit to than love.
totsuka's death kickstarts a number of events that you unfortunately get sucked into the fray of, whether or not you were scepter4 or homra. despite everything, you mourn for the man who played guitar and baked cakes and had a heart of gold. not publicly, not outwardly, but in your heart you want justice as much as the fiery red clan who burn with the desire to see totsuka's murderer dead. you have to research the video and it stabs you in your dead heart every time you see totsuka's body hit the floor.
you spend time following the case - you have no choice, as that's what munakata asks you to do, but you wish you could be spending your time doing something else. munakata always has a weird favouritism for you, and you tut at his constant teasing, but he's nothing like niki and his terrorising - munakata is essentially the guiding light for you, the father figure you never had after seventeen, eighteen years. after all this time, he trusts you nearly as much as he trusts awashima, and although you sometimes wonder if that trust is misplaced, you know he is your king, and nothing will change that. even though you still hold respect for the red king, munakata is always your king; you will not be replaced again.
the entrance of the colorless king into the world you know brings the silver king, and two annoying pests that would eventually become his clansmen at the end of the line. the world that you know is tipped on its head, and while your loyalties are never wavering, you find your bonds with the clansmen you once held close come back into the picture. against the fight of the black haired clansmen to the silver king, you find yourself fighting alongside your once-best friend like you had in old times.
you watch the beam of silver in the sky and you know that the silver king - the colorless king, too - is dead. that the red clan got the justice it sought. you see the decaying red sword of damocles fall from the sky, next to the forever shining blue, and you close your eyes as, somewhere, far away, with yata screaming beside you as the red on your chests burn bright - yours significantly dimmed, of course, but it doesn't stop the burning on your chest - your blue king slays the red.
when homra, in all of its glory, cries "no blood, no bone, no ash!" to the sky as mikoto's fire floats in the center of the other sparks of the clansmen, you watch the red spark from your chest as it slowly drops away and hovers in front of your face for a brief moment, reminding you of the loyalties you once had, and you watch mesmerized as it joins the warm red lighting the sky in the darkest night.
the months after that are quiet. homra falls apart at the seams and you have a significant lack of something to do as the clan dissipates into nothing. you keep yata off of your mind. he isn't important.
he isn't important until he calls you in a panic. anna is gone, kidnapped, he needs you for information because no one else is there. kusanagi is gone. everyone is gone that he could have relied on, and he's back to relying on you.
"you don't have anything against anna, do you?!"
you hang up after silence. no. you don't have anything against anna - she always knew you didn't belong in homra, even if you had a soft spot for her and she loved you as much as she loved the rest of them. you couldn't have someone hurting someone as small and innocent as her. you send through the information he needs after a few minutes. you go back to investigating the green clan as they make their way through in society and starts creating problems for everyone.
the events of this lead to scepter4 surrounding the green clan's domain, creating a barricade as yata foolishly storms the building alone and the silver clansmen join in for reasons unknown; you just remember the light in your chest reigniting as anna awakens to the power of the red king. that explains a lot, for certain. and even as you watch as you organise the blue clan to safety from the green king's lightning bolt that threatens to send the tower crashing down in flames, you see anna's first blast of protection coming from inside the tower, and then munakata's sword appears against the restored glory of the red sword of damocles. two swords united in the sky, although both
such vague memories of that day long ago.
when munakata formally welcomes anna as the red king and agrees to the tower being under scepter4's guidance, when homra's former members come running to make sure that anna's ok, kusanagi making eyes at awashima the same way he always had, yata gets flustered and attempts to thank you. you, in typical fashion, rebuff him. he's naturally annoyed with you.
but there's something there that almost says it could be rekindled. that the friendship - the love - you so crave could be restored.
you never get the chance.
you wake up in elysion one morning. there's nothing to explain it. you wake up and you're not in your bunk in scepter4 anymore.
it doesn't take you long to realise that munakata is there also - it seems he's been there for a while. and, to your surprise, so is mikoto. it shocks you to see the man that has been dead for so long - you struggle to find the words to elucidate those feelings even as munakata welcomes you with open arms.
you have to admit that you're pretty jealous that mikoto is his guardian and you're unable to be; you settle for merely being a self-declared bodyguard to them both because you don't particularly want to do anything else. why would you be away from the one that had given you everything? dare you admit it, the ones who had given you everything that you had built up?
life is boring, especially without yata about. you keep yourself busy with the two men - you are blissfully oblivious to their relationship, even though you find it odd that mikoto is his guardian - and you settle quietly into your position of third. it's not been too long. you've spent your time honing your skills, wandering around the new world where there's people of all kinds, species of all kinds from all kinds of worlds. you don't know what the future holds, and nor do you particularly care, but you're ready for it.
after all, you only know how to survive.