you didn't remember the day that the first wormhole was opened, when you were about nine years old.
you don't remember that faba had somehow channeled as much energy as he needed to open the wormhole in the basement of your home. you don't remember the horror that your tiny body had felt coursing through your body as you saw the jellyfish-looking ultra beast come floating through, looking so innocent - until it had grabbed you, you, who wasn't meant to be there at the time.
you don't remember that it had saved you. all you remember was the shadow of a monster, you remember screaming, and then you remember that you weren't able to touch pokemon anymore.
once upon a time, you had been a happy child that had loved playing with the wild pokemon that your little playground had lured pokemon to to play with you. you used to snuggle with your clefairy while your older brother played on the climbing frame. you didn't know why you couldn't touch pokemon, after that day, because all of those memories were repressed.
you remember the sadness on your clefairy's face because you couldn't touch her anymore. you couldn't even touch her when mother evolved her into a clefable without your permission. you just remember sobbing into your pillow that night because you hadn't been able to do anything about it.
your memories were happy until that day.
mother, despite all of her love, had been overbearing, and she had been controlling.
you didn't hate her, not an ounce. you wore the pretty clothes she picked out for you because it made her happy, and you had to admit you did like wearing them. when father had disappeared, she raised you and gladion alone, and you had so much respect for her for doing that. but you were always something she wanted to make pretty. she put you on strict diets and only let you do specific things, but she had always used to play with you and brush your hair and sing songs to you.
around other people, she was ditzy and cheerful, and she was oh-so-charismatic. when you were a little girl, you wanted to be like mother. mother, with her gorgeous body and wonderful hair and the way that she spoke to people to immediately get them to like her.
(mother didn't know what happened to her little girl.)
even when she evolved clefairy, you were angry and you pouted and you cried, but she was still mother. she wanted things to be beautiful. you just accepted that was who mother was.
mother was mother. you loved her, despite all of her flaws (and many flaws there were), but sometimes you hated her for what she had done.
gladion, big brother.
you loved him so.
you loved him for occasionally stealing you snacks, and playing with you when you were both so young. he was always the rebellious one, and those were the qualities that you loved about him. he was the one who stood up to mother when he was angry, he spoke his mind, but most importantly, he loved you and he loved his pokemon.
when he stole one of mother's pokemon and ran away, you could almost understand why. you were sad that he had left without a word to you, but you knew he was going to do good things. that one day you would see him again.
you didn't know that the very pokemon he had stolen had saved your life that day. that that was the reason he had fled so soon after you couldn't touch pokemon anymore.
mother had been angry. mother had been so, so angry, and it scared you.
sometimes mother was too different people. the mother who was happy and so lovely, and then the mother who seemed to have been poisoned with an obsession for beauty. a mother who had been poisoned and was becoming a monster.
no wonder gladion left. he could get out of her grasp so much better than you were able to.
you took after gladion when you became a thief and ran away with nebby.
(get in the bag, nebby, please!)
you couldn't stand what they were going to do to the small, helpless baby pokemon that resembled nothing more than the stars. you had fled through aether paradise, pursued by so many people that were trying to get back what they called a monster. nebby wasn't a monster. nebby had power that they were exploiting, and you had to help it.
you had always been too kind, mother said.
when nebby had used its power to teleport both of you away, you ended up on a beach. a beach where professor kukui had picked you up and let you stay with him. you became his assistant. it was a job you only could have dreamed of because of how much you had used to read.
his rockruff was a sweetie too. you hated how sad it was when you couldn't cuddle it.
you tried to find things out about nebby, but to no avail. kukui let you travel about though, with a lot of max repels. he let you research your own things in your own time, too.
meeting kukui was the start of a wonderful adventure.
when you first came acoss him, and hau, so many things happened that it could have been overwhelming. but because you met him, because he saved nebby and he helped you go to all of alola's islands, you had so much gratitude for this one boy who would eventually save the world.
when you met acerola, the princess who helped you find out information that would be so helpful later on, and when you met hapu, the one who would protect you all the way through poni island, you were so grateful for those that became something dear to you.
when you got given the egg from the professor to take care of, it was such a big responsibility along with nebby. but it soon hatched into shiron, your little snowball. it took you so long for you to be able to hug her, but when you could - it was the greatest feeling. and then it was so much easier to be able to hug everyone.
you didn't know why, but it was the greatest feeling.
throughout your own journey, you could feel you were becoming different from your mother. you were more willing to fight for the things you cared about. there was something about you that was changing, and you wanted to be brave. you wanted to fight for everyone.
and then when you finally met gladion again, when you met type:null, and you remembered everything - when you couldn't touch pokemon again - it was so scary. it was terrifying. but when you realised that it was type:null who had saved you, when you confronted your mother at aether paradise and she let herself be taken away by nihilego, and silvally saved you again - everything made sense. when nebby had been used for its power to summon nihilego and became it's little cocoon, everything made sense.
mother had never really loved you, had she?
but you had to save her. she was your mother, and you loved her.
you knew that you had to change to do it. you were never your mother. you were never going to be your mother. you took off your hat, unplaited your hair, tied it up into a ponytail. you wanted to be better to rely on. you wanted to make your friends proud. if you didn't have him, the boy who would save the world, then you would have stayed the same as you always had.
you could touch pokemon now! you had seen so many amazing things! you had met such wonderful people! there was so much to you that had changed, and you wanted to show people that you could do it. like all the pokemon with their inner power and their z-crystals, you wanted to have a z-powered form of your own to prove you could do it.
so you run up to the altar of the sunne, with the boy and with hau and with all of your friends, wanting to find a way to save your mother.
with all of the power of the tapus, and the flutes that you both had gone to find, nebby becomes something greater. becomes the pokemon of legend, the pokemon that gives you the power to enter the ultra wormhole and go to find your mother. you beg to go too, as much as gladion tries to stop you.
even when you clamber onto nebby's back and you're clinging to it before you go, you're so grateful. to him, and to hau, and to everyone you've met. because if you'd never met them, you probably never would have found out the truth. you never would have had someone to play the flutes alongside. never would you have been able to see tapu koko in person, or be able to touch pokemon, and it was all because of him. if you'd never met him, and been brave enough to ask him to help you find your truth while he fought his way through the island challenge, you never would have been brave enough to change.
but you go. you and shiron and nebby and him, all go together to save your mother.
this was not the world where you expected to find your mother.
nebby was gone and so was he; the only one you had left was shiron. you clung to her tight, wandering through a strange new world where everyone seemed to know what was going on when you didn't. you asked them what it was, and they shrugged and told you to go and find somewhere to live, because this was where you were now.
so you went to find information. you saw the place called halcyon which promised a big library, and you were immediately drawn there. you were so young, and at only the age of twelve, you didn't know which way to turn. you found a school to enroll into and somewhere to live with other people, and you searched so desperately for your mother.
you spent so much time in the library that you asked if you could volunteer as a library assistant for a while. they said only for a few hours a week, and it was about two years after you came, but it made you feel a bit better for staying there all the time.
it was strange and unknown and you couldn't find anyone you knew - how likely was it you would bump into someone you knew in a place with millions and millions of people? - but you survived. for once in your life, you survived alone.
z-powered lillie was doing her best.