they made you
into a w e a p o n
and told you
to find p e a c e
"yes, good noa. at this rate we'll have the most powerful fleet of warships, we can rightfully take what's ours. we'll be unstoppable!"
"they're not just warships. when i build a ship, it comes alive...you have to take care--"
"you weren't created to talk back, you were created to build. do i make myself clear?"
you are created by the astrals with one purpose in mind--build ships. noa, they call you; the ferryman of the stars. a flying vessel in your own right, your crystal provides you with power to manifest in whatever form you please. you are a shipwright and your purpose is to craft skyfaring vessels.
you chose a humanoid form because it feels most comfortable.
they put you to work, day in and day out. in the centuries you serve the astrals, you never once wonder what it may be like to be human. what is it to sleep? to eat? to live as one of them? you watch humans because you like them. you surf the stars because its where you belong. could you ever belong to mortals?
the astrals are on a mission; to subjugate the other four races of the world. what do you know of it? you're a tool, after all. you're only allowed your freedom when you've done a good job. you're always meant to come home. they allow you travel the sea of stars in the night sky and it is there that you feel most alive.
(they dare lock up a creature that belongs in the sky.)
you build them a ship, a great warship, to head up their armies. the grancypher is your pride and joy and they abuse him just as they abuse you and the other primal beasts. he needs repairs day after day and you are worked to the bone. the astrals push and push. you're almost relieved when they are defeated. you are not so relieved when the grancypher crash lands in flames.
when encountering a m o n s t e r
be more wary of its master
its master made it to be so d a n g e r o u s
its master made it to harm
its only dangerous if its m a s t e r is near
it cannot hurt you unless they find you
"oh? what is this?"
"its a pinky promise! you do this and then...there. it means you promise to help me! you can't go back on a promise."
"ah, i see. alright, i promise."
"good! come on now, we'll go have dinner with mom and dad."
the grancypher crashed long ago, centuries even. the astrals are gone, but the erste empire has taken up in their stead. they want all the same things, it seems--you're not sure about them. they find you and cage you any way they can; they threaten your ships. with nothing left to do, you follow their orders.
you are to retrieve the grancypher; your magnum opus.
when you go to find him, he is...inhabited. perhaps that's not the proper word, but there's a boy upon his bow, looking out amongst the rest of port breeze. a curious child, you think. there's no telling, then, that this child--rackam--would grow to be so important to you. you've no all-seeing-eye, you've no ability to predict the future. there's no instinctual feeling that tells you rackam will be the most important to you. that you must figure out on your own.
you couldn't predict that he would take to you like a bird does the sky. you couldn't predict that he would try and give you a home, nor a place in his life. rackam is brash and says what's on his mind, but he is also gentle, caring, and kind. he's a rough and tumble kid, with bruises and scrapes, but nothing ever slows him down.
(you feel terrible that he lost his will to become a skyfarer because of you. its all your fault.)
you remain by his side for eight years, until he's a teenager--until you feel an irritating pull back to the empire. you owe them nothing but you haven't seemed to figure that out yet. you made a promise to rackam, days after meeting him, that you'd help him fix up the grancypher. that maybe it can be his. you think he'd pilot it better than anyone in the empire anyway. eight years later and he seems more competent than ever.
that's before you leave and he grows bitter and upset.
in the years you spend with him you feel yourself becoming more and more human, more and more humble, kind, soft, gentle. you nurture him for a while until he starts to try protecting you. its sweet and it warms that little spot inside your chest you've only ever felt warmed because of your ships. your friendship is so new and exciting and his parents treat you like you're important.
you've never felt important before, not in the same way as rackam and his family. you've only ever felt like you were a tool, an instrument to assure success. there is no glory and victory to be had here; you've won them over before you even knew there was a battle.
you promise that you'll come back. you just have to go away for a little while. you'll see him again; you wouldn't be able to stay away anyway. you joke that he'll never be rid of you--he says he never wants to be.
(leaving breaks your newly awakened heart.)
til the stars f a l l from the s k y
i told you
and you thought i meant forever
they’re here now, and i'm s o r r y
i have to go home
"your job is to come when you're called, have you forgotten why the astrals created you?"
"i have not, but the astrals are gone, and you no longer have control over me."
"the absolute insolence! you forget that we have astral blood--"
"you try and stop me and every ship i've ever built for you will tumble from the sky."
the erste empire remind you of the astrals. they've been searching, for so long, for that island in the farlands. they've been looking for estalucia. you know the island well...you haven't been back since the astrals fell. you've been free for so many years, centuries even. but the erste empire finds the ships you built for the astrals, they torment them--they're like your children and they scream and cry out in pain.
you agree to help them just so your ships stop crying. your greatest work, the grancypher, still lays on the shores of port breeze, abandoned, but safe. he aches and creaks, you can hear him begging for help, for peace. you can't help him, you don't want the empire to get their hands on your greatest work. only one person in the entire world is worthy enough; but even he doesn't know how to properly care for a ship like the grancypher.
the empire has you by the throat. imagine, using a primal beast in this way. they're ruthless and cold and they want. greedy. it takes you so long to realize that you have the upper hand in your fight for freedom. they call you away, back "home", and from your chosen charge. it kills you to leave rackam but, you justify, he is young, and you're not so important. you were born to create, not to live the life of a human.
(but oh do you want to stay with him.)
you ache to go back to him: its been too many years.
but you realize one day that they don't own you. the astrals laid their claim on you, on the other primal beasts, but they're gone. what does the erste empire have to contain you? your kin tiamat, leviathan, have taken to ruling portions of the world on their own...so why not you? what do you owe the empire?
the answer is nothing. you owe the empire not a single, damn thing. with nothing to keep you coming back to them over and over, you leave.
i traveled across g a l a x i e s and nebula
i danced through seas of stars and asteroids
i thought i had seen everything the universe had to offer
but you managed to take my b r e a t h away
when nothing else could
"it's your ship, rackam. i thought i should ask your permission before i agree."
"it's our fearless leader's decision. i don't care what you do."
"oh, i see. well, thank you for allowing me on board!"
he taught you to be human. he let you into his world and repaid him by leaving. you know rackam deserves to know the truth, but how can you tell him when he doesn't seem to want anything more to do with you? you're sure he thinks you left because you wanted to and, while it may be true--you are a little flighty--you never wanted to hurt him.
but you have and you don't know how to fix it.
you may have been around humans for many years but it doesn't make you any less of a beast. that's what you are, just an animal, a tool, a monster. yes, maybe the astrals were right. but there are times you look at him, at his face, at his eyes, and he's looking back at you, and you feel like you're something important. imagination? maybe.
it didn't take you long to find the grancypher, it wouldn't take you long to find any of the ships you've built. he is old and he is tired but he feels exhilarated. he feels brand new, despite the fact that he needs fixing. certain types of wood bode better for the ship than others, so you decide to find some. with the party you come back with heaps of special wood to fix grancypher.
when he thanks you, it feels like accomplishment. you've never gotten real praise before. even rackam looks like he's happier now that the ship is happy. you feel happy too. but you still ache, somewhere deep inside. its taken you a long time to figure out human emotions, to realize you have them, and when this one comes screaming into your mind, you listen to it.
because you love him.
(you wouldn't expect him to feel the same, not after the eleven years you've been apart.)
but flying alongside him, to see the grancypher, see him piloting so effortlessly...just like he always wanted. you've fulfilled your promise, in some way, haven't you? it feels like a hollow victory because you still love him and he doesn't seem to love you anymore. did he ever? you can't remember. you don't know.
so you hide your pain as you always do, behind the softness of your ephemeral smile.