warnings for drug use, some sexual themes, nonconsensual scenarios, and kidnapping/drugging
i know i won't get out if i fall in
moving to oregon was the worst thing that ever happened to you in your entire life. you were born to be a cali girl, born to live in the spotlight with all the celebrities and action. there were no celebrities in oregon, and the action came down to fuck and all unless you were counting the parties and the occasional concerts. you supposed that part was okay, gave you something to do to burn off all that energy you had, but it’s not quite the same as it was back in california. you miss the sea, the feeling of life in the air, the sun at your back.
there’s none of that in oregon. it sucks. it sucks a lot. you want to go back to california so badly you could almost feel the cali sun on your face sometimes, but dad has to work, and you love him too much to make a huge fuss about it, though you did at first, begged him to let your family stay because you didn’t want to leave your whole life behind. you made a new life in arcadia bay, sure, but it’s never enough. it’s not the same at all. you always wanted to be an actress before you left for arcadia bay, and the move did nothing to change your plans. if anything, it just gave you a way to go back to california one day to pursue your career of choice.
the only thing keeping you from running off when you really want to was your parents, especially your dad. it was embarrassing to talk about, but you’re a daddy’s girl through and through. you look up to him much more than your mom, feel more at home with him. the thought of leaving them makes you feel conflicted so you stay, though california was never too far from your mind. you’re self-aware; you know that your life could be a lot worse. but you’re not happy, not completely. that lack of fulfillment ate away at you from the inside, day by day like some hella gross flesh eating virus. waiting to graduate from blackwell seemed much too long for you. you’ve always been the type to take life by the reins in order to get what you want.
then, one night, your life changed completely.
there was something about chloe that made you want to be near her, like a magnet drawn to another magnet. it was intense, electric, a whirlwind of thunder and lightning. you could feel it ever since you saved her from being beat up by those goons at the concert. everyone at blackwell knew who chloe price was, her name just about a prominent as your own, though for different reasons. where you were popular, smart, and commanded every room you walked into with just your presence alone, chloe was wild, broke the rules, and said fuck you to everyone with both middle fingers up in the air. you wished you could be like that sometimes, wished you could have the courage to just leave and live your own life like you want to.
chloe felt that way too so you suggested leaving together, going off to california or, hell, even new york together. anywhere but arcadia bay was game. it must have seemed weird from an outside perspective to ask a girl you just met to run off with you like thieves in the night. it’s incomprehensible. it’s dangerous. it’s right up your alley. if you were going to leave with anyone, it would be chloe. she’s perfect and you could see yourself having such a blast with her. she could be your party girl, and you could be her rock. it’s perfect. you couldn’t ask for a better partner in crime.
for once, it seemed like things were starting to go your way. you were feeling a little bit better for the first time in years, and it was all thanks to chloe.
but then you saw your dad kiss a woman you had never a seen before, a woman who was definitely not your mother, and you saw red. you knew something had been wrong with him lately, but this? this was so beyond anything you could have thought.
you saw red. you saw fire as you kicked over the burning bin and let the forest get lit up all the way to the night sky. you screamed because nothing could go right for you, could it? you screamed and burned down the forest because it was the best way to describe how you felt.
you were on fire.
but i don't wanna think about it now
hindsight was always the worst, but - to be fair - you’d always had a bit of a temper when you were really angry. starting a fire wasn’t the best idea, and you were already paying for it just by being in the principal's office, but at least they didn’t know that you had done it. no, ditching school was just as punishable. setting the fire was just the icing on the cake. just sitting there with your parents around made you feel so low, especially when you had an idea that your dad was probably cheating on mom. you had wanted to say something all night about it after you got home, even had to excuse yourself from dinner just so you wouldn’t blurt it out. you had trouble not just saying it now, but you knew better than to make a scene when chloe and you were already in trouble.
you didn’t ask chloe to take the fall for you, but she did anyway, despite your protests. you knew you weren’t above getting punished for what you did, even if skipping school was fun and you’d do it again too if you could. hell, you’d set the fire again if you could because you were still fuming just underneath the skin where nobody could see it. you had to find out what your dad was up to.
the play had to come first, though. there was no way you were going to miss it now that you could go without consequence. you couldn’t do your main man shakespeare dirty like that.
admittedly, having chloe sub in as ariel was more of a whim than anything, more self-indulgent than maybe you should have been, but you couldn’t resist. you wanted to see her on stage on done up in makeup and sparkling in the spotlights. and if you took some liberties as prospera? nobody would call you out on it. you almost felt like you were proposing on stage for everyone to see. yet you were calm, and you were serious. you wanted chloe to leave with you and travel the world together, wanted it more and more as time went on and the situation with your dad sat and stewed itself in your brain for longer and longer.
chloe still said yes, even if you could tell that she was embarrassed. there was a thrill buzzing in your veins, something new and completely unfamiliar to you. you felt like going on an adventure, you felt like taking chloe’s hands and dancing in the street. there was so much you wanted in the moment that you felt fit to burst. instead of all that, though, you settled on a kiss. two kisses if you were being more accurate since there was no way you could settle on just one. that feeling of electricity came back again; it felt so good to kiss chloe, to look into her eyes after you’d done it and known that she had wanted it too. the two of you were on top of the world.
the fun had to end sometime, though, you guessed. of course you had to go home, because you were more than willing to pack up and leave with chloe right then, damn your parents, damn school, damn everything. you wanted to kick back in a beat up truck with your feet on the dash and chloe at your side as the two of you drove to anywhere. escaping your parents wasn’t so easy, and before you knew it, you were starting to tune it all out, static in your ears like flies buzzing around in your brain. how could your dad just sit there and act like everything was fine? how dare he sit there and act like your family was fine?
before you knew it, you had broken the glass dining table everyone was eating dinner on and you were screaming again, asking your dad to tell you the truth. and for once, he did.
there were times when you had wondered if you were born into the right family, though the thought was always more fleeting than anything. you weren’t sure that you could have guessed that the woman your dad had kissed was your real mom. looking at the woman that you had thought of as your mother your whole life made it click more. you looked nothing like her, but you hadn’t really thought of it very much, if ever. two things were for certain for you right now. one, you were so tired of your dad’s lies. and two, you were determined to see your mom, your real mom no matter what.
you couldn’t have foreseen getting stabbed because of it, but there were some facts about your mom that you had to come to terms with. she was one a drug addict, and one of the only people in arcadia who knew her was a dangerous drug dealer. a dangerous drug dealer who stabbed you in the arm for getting a little too violent when him, but you thought he had started it first anyway.
the only person you could trust right now was chloe, so you left everything up to her as you laid in the hospital, weak and tired and sleeping pretty much all the time. all you could think about whenever you were awake was your mom and chloe and whatever tattoo you were going to get to cover up the scar on your arm. your parents came eventually, but your mind was too far away to really think much about them. you were still royally pissed at your dad, and you had no idea how you were supposed to feel about your “mom” anymore.
by the time chloe came back, you were more than ready to hear the news about what had happened. and chloe told you the truth, the whole truth. about your real mom, about how your dad tried to have her killed just to keep her a secret from you. she didn’t hide a single detail from you, and it felt like your heart had stopped then, stopped and never got started again. you could only glare at your dad when he entered your hospital room, could only think about fire and hypodermic needles and needing anything to take this pain you felt away.
you were on fire again, and you weren’t about to stop burning any time soon.
your relationship with your dad was never the same after that. you stopped coming home some nights, and then didn’t really go home altogether, spending more time with chloe than anyone else for the longest time.
it stayed that way until you met frank bowers again. and then? you started to draw away.
you hadn’t kissed chloe again in years, hadn’t even thought about it much more really. you were too busy giving them all to frank.
it's dark in my imagination
if anyone were to ask you how you got here, you'd have no answer and way too many to share with some random nobody asking you weird questions.
the ties around your wrists and ankles hurt like a bitch, even underneath the dullness of being drugged. you were familiar with this feeling, of floating and being completely fucked out of your mind. after all, you'd been going after it for years now, without stopping for even a single moment to really think about if this was good for you or not. you didn't care until it was too late, until you were tied up who knows where and having pictures taken of you without your consent. part of you had a feeling jefferson probably got off on that kind of thing, and most likely nathan too. either way, part of you thought you weren't gonna get out of here alive, a fact that pissed you off every time you could think about it even a little bit clearly.
it all went so downhill after you stopped going back home and started spending more time with frank, a known drug dealer and a person you could probably call your boyfriend. he was already an adult before you'd even taken a liking to him like that, but you didn't want to think too much about how you felt about older guys. there was something about them that felt more safe. plus, it was kinda hot, you had to admit. years of shooting up and hanging out with frank didn't really dampen your reputation like you would have thought. you still had your dreams of being an actress, and though you did act out sometimes, your grades still stayed strong. going to california was never far from your mind, and frank was taking chloe's place on who you would go with if you could. though, at this point, you were starting to think maybe it was better to go on your own. you didn't know anymore. part of you wanted to be alone all the time, whilst the other part couldn't live without something fucked up in your veins and loud as fuck music in your ears. you didn't think much of your parents anymore, but you were sure they were more than disappointed in their daughter, not that you gave much of a shit about that anymore.
you couldn't help but find jefferson hot even though you were with frank still. he was the kind of guy who had a beard but was clean and smooth and sophisticated. you knew you weren't the only girl in class swooning over the teacher; practically everyone did that. you should have never fucked with that guy in the first place, but more primal parts of you had taken over during the last few years. you couldn't help it anymore, couldn't keep it at bay. plus, you wanted to be a model, so why wouldn't you say yes to having your picture taken my him?
you were feeling the most clear headed you had in days probably, and all you could think about was how much you had fucked up. you fucked up in following your mom's footsteps. you fucked up in letting chloe go. you fucked up in saying yes to jefferson. and now you were looking at nathan fucking prescott dead in the eye with as much hate as you could muster. god, if you had a hand free you would tear that weird ass look off his face.
you weren't gonna get it, though. you were definitely not going to get a hand free for the rest of your life.