there are dead in front of you, and you do not find it in yourself to feel remorse.
they do not deserve so much as the blink of an eye.
cold metal wrapped around your fingers. cold metal connected to your back, your neck, your spine, your very being trapped inside a system connecting you to a giant machine that fights and destroys and kills.
he has given you life, and your life belongs to him.
he has given you life. you have had no other reason but him.
you are not prideful. you have no pride to speak of, and you never will.
instead, you are made up of cold, calculated, wrath.
"what should i do next, orga?"
your parents were gone. you don't remember how, or why, but there are hushed whispers of death and murder. that is where you begin. that is where you will continue. you are whisked away to an orphanage and you never hear their names spoken again.
your best friend is in the form of a dark-skinned boy with wacky hair. you save his life when you are children, when a man tries to kill you both.
at the same time a gun is fired in one world of yourself, a knife is thrust in another.
"what should I do next, orga?"
a toothy grin.
"we find somewhere where we both belong, of course. we need to get far away from here, mika."
a quizzical look.
"what is that place like?"
a shrug, a flustered look.
"I dunno, but we'll find it."
you follow to the ends of the earth.
a small girl on the streets struggling for food. you ask a bakery owner to give whatever food she could to you with whatever money you had to feed her. she takes the girl in and gives her a job. she is forever indebted to you.
(atra mixta. small, fluffy hair. eyes that held nothing but love. atra. her name is atra.)
your bracelets are connections. a clumsy friendship bracelet made by a child who loves you. you don't really notice that for a while, but you treasure that bracelet with all of your heart.
you're drafted into a military security company, and implanted with the alaya-vijnana system that allows you to drive the mobile workers. you already make history from a young age with you being implanted three times, and orga twice, and surviving. that's already a feat no one else could make.
he makes friends within your sector. you follow him. they become friends.
one day, you stage a coup - and take over.
you want to become respectable members of society. you want to become kings.
she teaches you to read and write. a girl wanting to change the world, fighting for peace. a girl that, after you stage the coup, after you change the name of the company to something that signifies something more of your own, you are given care of.
she tries her best to understand the world that she has come to. you do not hate her for not understanding. you just find it amusing.
you take her to the farm where your atra works, with sisters of one of your friends. you teach her that things are not as easy where you have come from, that your friend's salary helps pay for the farm.
you tell her you'd like to own a farm one day. it's a much more simple life.
(kudelia aina bernstein. big eyes and innocent face, smiling. her name is kudelia.)
you, and her, and her; you are meant to be together. unified by the bracelets on your wrists.
your group grows, you become fluent in reading and writing, and you start to make an impact in the world.
you have allies and friends, companies working together to make ends meet and to make sure that you all survive.
the turbines are an interesting addition to your group, but you all work well together. the girls are interesting.
the blood oath made between orga and naze interests you, and you see your name written for the first time. three moons.
as naze said - you are all a family.
(you are all nothing more than debris, after all. scattered about in time and space, left to survive by yourselves.)
your friends die to suits of steel and weapons, you find yourself fighting more people, but if that's what he wants you to do, then that's okay. you fight to the death for all of them.
biscuit dies and orga is heartbroken. you had no chance to save him - you were not there. you are angry.
shino dies trying to end it all, but she manages to stop him, and you can do nothing as one of your oldest friends is lost to the destuction of space.
some of the turbines are murdered in cold blood. you see akihiro change after the death of lafter - is that what love is like?
eventually you cannot walk without being connected to the suit. you wake up without the feeling of cables and wires in your neck, and the feeling of not having them starts to become foreign.
(sometimes you wonder when you are going to die.)
you and atra make a baby. you don't think anything of it. that would be one of the last times you see her before everyone has to escape.
orga dies while he's away trying to make connections, make amends, to lead you all to the place you were meant to go - your connection of eons means you feel it.
what do i do next, orga?
you didn't get to say goodbye.
the final showdown with mcgillis, with the purple-haired fuck that nearly killed biscuit's sister, with that damned blonde woman who had been the cause of shino's death.
the final showdown saw the rest of them get away to a new, safer world, for them to be safe, for atra to be able to raise your child and for kudelia to take care of them all. you and akihiro stay behind, two war machines with determination of steel and wrath of the devil, to ensure their safety.
even when akihiro finally falls, you are still standing.
"tekkadan no akuma."
the devil of tekkadan is truly what you become in that final moment. even as you give up everything your body holds to give the barbatos whatever power you can, for you to continue to clash swords with julieta as they try their best to fell you, your will to save everyone, your will to fulfill what would be orga's last wish, keeps you alive until the crucial moment for them to get away.
they make it.
as her reginlaze's sword comes crashing down towards the barbatos' neck, your vision turns black. you're sitting back to back with orga.
finally, you both can go home.
you wake up, sprawled on the floor in some strange new place that wasn't earth and that wasn't the blood-stained fields of mars. it's bright and you squint as someone offers to help you up, but you can't even lift your arm.
so even after death - or was this death? - you still had lost all of your body functions. this was going to be interesting without hush or someone to carry you around.
this person makes a face and helps lug your deadweight body to a hospital where they can get you a wheelchair - odd technology, this - and you are given a brochure so you can choose where to live. you're immediately drawn to zephyr, with its countryside aura and the chance of you being able to fulfill the dream you didn't quite get to make with everyone else.
you're in no way capable of being able to own your own farm yet, but a kindly old man allows you to work for him in the fields, mostly just tending to the crops in whatever way you can.
after death, it's certainly a more peaceful life. you feel empty without orga, or atra, or kudelia, or anyone else that you were used to - the man always comments about how deadpan you always seem, but there is no way for you to summon any kind of joy or emotion from the pits of your body. you hoped to find orga here, since this seems to be the place to come after death, but there has been nothing. no wacky hair or dark skin or mischievous smile that always reminded you of that day when you were a child.
it's a peaceful life, a peaceful two years, but it's devoid of anything worth caring for.